i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
