is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
