I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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