It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
What drink are we having for lunch?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
