your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
