he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize