i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
