I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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