We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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