i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
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