my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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