I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
