I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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