Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
