i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
