i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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