You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
