There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
