you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
