she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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