So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
