You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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