Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Randomize
