So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
