She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
