I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
