so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Randomize
