she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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