so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize