we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
