I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize