but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
