If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
