think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Randomize