i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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