So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
