Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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