Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
