yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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