No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
