Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
