I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
