i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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