Duck Duck Cougar?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
