I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
