i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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