Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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