Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize