She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize