best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
