I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
