Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
