My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
