Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
