So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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