so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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