I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
