the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
