Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My liver just had a heart attack.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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