i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
