My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
