we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
