Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
