They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
This house was built for laser tag.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
