Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
don't judge my taste in strippers
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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